The Crayon Mountain

It was 2002 and I unexpectedly found myself as a single mom.

We had been left behind for someone else.

I had just given birth that year to our second child, Hope.

Her older sister’s middle name is Faith.

Faith and Hope.

Despite those powerful name reminders, I walked away and gave up on God for many months because of the pain and betrayal I felt.

I yelled at God, shook my fist at the sky, and questioned everything I had ever believed.

My parents had divorced when I was five and I resented then a long time for it. The one thing I said growing up, from a very early age, is that I would never get a divorce. I would never hurt my children the way they hurt me.

But, it happened anyway.

I realized later (much later) that this excruciating process was necessary because when I questioned my faith, I realized I’d never actually had a personal relationship with Christ.

I had coasted through church life out of routine and duty for 26 years – a cultural, southern Christian.

Like the process to refine gold and silver, when metal must be super heated, to the point of melting in order to bring out the impurities – I was in the fire.

My heart burned, but something unexpected was happening.

Proverbs 35:4 – Take away the dross from the silver, and there comes out a vessel for the silversmith.
Proverbs 17:3 – The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, But the LORD tests hearts.

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In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory (1 Peter 1:4-6).

The girls and I eventually started attending a new church as the Lord began to refine me.

Morgan Faith (age 5), came out of Hunter Street Church one day and handed me a picture she drew in Sunday School.

It was a large, black triangle with a stick figure on the side.

The stick figure had dark hair and blue eyes (just like me!) and I asked Morgan what it was.

It’s you, Mommy! You’re going up a mountain.”

I asked, “Why am I going up a mountain?”

Morgan replied, “So you can see all the beautiful things at the top.” ☀️

I stopped walking.

Tears filled my eyes as my Lord used her innocent words and drawing to speak directly to my heart.

Yes, I was going up a mountain.

It was so hard, but there would be beautiful things at the top.

The Lord had promised.

I said, “Jesus talks to you, doesn’t He?”

She giggled, “Yes, He tells me I am sweet.”

That girl. ❤️ She was right.

I climbed the mountain.

It was so hard.

And it was so beautiful.

To my surprise (again), there was actually a whole range of mountains ahead of me, but here I am, in 2018, loving Jesus more than I ever thought possible.

I’m actually thankful for the valleys (and one broken leg) that now allow me to encourage other women of the unfailing and precious love of Christ.

(The post above was written in 2011, almost ten years after that first, terrible mountain.)

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Blog Story: The Glad Game

https://keyshathomaston.com/2018/07/30/the-glad-game/

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