I’m Still Here

I was making a playlist for a weekend beach getaway and I found a song that was so “me.” ❤️

For whatever reason, I speak in the language of song lyrics and movie quotes.

It’s kind of crazy the number of playlists I have saved for various events, milestones, trips and even for people.

This library of music allows me to remember moments from the soundtrack of my ever-changing life.

After all, I am from the nightly, radio song dedication and mixtape generation. These playlists are basically digital cassette tapes on the bookshelf of my heart.

While scrolling through the song and artist options the title, Out of the Dark, caught my attention from my girl, Mandisa.

(She replied to one of my comments on Instagram last year, so you could say we’re friends.) ❤️😂

I knew what she meant about being in dark. She had battled with depression and so have I, I’m always drawn to songs related to how people escape the dark, or as I call it, The Upside Down.

The first track is titled, “Voicemail.”

Deep down, I knew what that one was about before it even began to play. #guilty

At times, some of us struggle with responding to people. Most friends and family don’t understand why.

Mandisa provides a deeply personal answer to those unanswered voicemails and messages with the song, “I’m Still Here.”

If you’re still reading and didn’t click the link for the video…go back one space.

***Survival.***.. There have been times I wasn’t sure I would make it.
***Game Over***… That just happens to be the title of my last blog post when I thought I was done writing here.

Maybe there are still a few stories left for me to write.

I escaped to the beach because I needed some physical distance from my home in order to pray through several difficult situations that honestly, can threaten to take my breath away.

My chest has been tight and my heart literally aches. I often feel underwater and in desperate need for air.

The beach might not be your first choice if you feel like you are drowning, but it is the perfect place for me.

It’s vast and wide open, with plenty of space to breathe without a mask.

I’ve never been one to look cool in hats, but I always bring one of my brother’s with me.
He looked good in hats.

And, the Lord has done some of His greatest work in me during times when I’ve stood on this white sand, marveling at a body of water that…He simply spoke into place.

It’s not that God can’t communicate from my living room, but I feel a little closer to Him and heaven when standing before the waves, like I am on the very edge of the earth.

There’s nothing between me and God because all I can see is sky.

I close my eyes and think of this verse:

And God said, “Let there be light” and there was light. Genesis 1:3

The Spirit of God was moving over the waters and then out of the darkness came the light.

Yesterday, I had to use a flashlight to find my way along the shoreline during the dark, predawn hour.

If I had not held that flashlight, there’s a 100% chance I would have become afraid. I have this thing about directions and knowing where I’m going. I definitely don’t like trying to find my way in the dark…physically, emotionally or spiritually.

What I often forget is that I am not in charge of holding the spiritual flashlight.

Sometimes, I end up in the dark because I am not following the Shepherd.

He’s the only one who knows the way.